I Don't Do Well With Job Interviews

I'm a licensed attorney that currently doesn't practice, but I have been searching for an actual associate position.  Somehow, I manage to have to worst job interviews with the most awkward, weird attorneys ever. I used to think it was me, but now I think that 50% of attorneys are batshit crazy, and the other 50% only hire people they know. Considering I did not grow up in the city where I currently live, guess which attorneys usually interview me?

I once had an interview with an attorney who, on paper, seemed perfect. She practiced in an area of law that I was interested in, and like me, she was into yoga and wellness stuff. She seemed so cool, and after working for an attorney with whom I clashed for so long, I wanted to work for someone with similar interests and personality traits.

The very first question out of this woman’s mouth was, “I see you got a C in Torts. Do you care to explain that?” For the next few minutes, I felt like I was in a guidance counselor’s office as she drilled me on my grades and speculated that I had inadequate study habits.  It seemed ridiculous, seeing as how she chose to interview me.  It made me question the judgment of this attorney, who apparently thought it was worth her time to schedule an interview with me and then spend five to ten minutes berating me about my law school grades.  In the legal profession, time is money, and I would think that most (successful) attorneys are too busy for that.

She then went to her printer and picked up a few pieces of paper. She explained that she had printed off a list of standard interview questions and said, “I’m just going to go down this list.” And that she did. She asked every single question on a list of the worst, most awkward interview questions ever. Questions that are impossible to answer without sounding like a total tool. Questions like, “How do you determine your objectives?” "If you were a tree, what tree would you be?"

At one point, she asked (from the list), "Are you willing to work overtime?" I replied that I was, and she smirked and replied, "That question isn't really relevant." Really? Then why did you ask? Way to prepare for an interview, lady.

I didn't get the job (obviously), but it's not like I was upset about it.  If she can't even handle a standard interview, I can't imagine her handling cases in a competent manner. I don't want to work for someone like that.

While that attorney may have been insane, at least she didn't ask me illegal questions. Those I got during an interview with an all-female firm, by the senior partner. 

A little background:  I’ve been at my current job for almost three years. Before that, I worked at my in-laws’ business for a few months after I graduated law school.  Yes, I helped them with some minor legal work, but I was mainly looking for another job. My husband works at the company, too.  I worked with my husband and my in-laws for a few months.  It was about as pleasant as you think it would be.  

Honestly, I hardly ever think about my work at that company. It was truly a placeholder job for me, and everyone knew it, and everyone was cool with it. But I can’t exactly say that in a job interview. So, in my pre-interview phone conversation with the senior partner, I softened it, but was honest when I told her that this company was my in-laws’ company. 

She said, “Well, that makes it easy, huh?” 

I can’t believe I didn’t catch on there, but I didn’t. 

The company came up in the interview again.  She said the company has been around a long time, and asked if I was tempted to just not work. Since my husband obviously (in her mind) makes a lot of money. 

I told her no, that I enjoyed work, and that I’m motivated to do well on my own. 

“So you don’t see yourself as a stay-at-home mom?”

Um, what? Did she really just ask me that? 

Later, I found out that the last two associates they hired each lasted about two months.

Clearly, I'm only interviewed by the most normal, sane attorneys ever.